Listen to some good music

Music is well said to be the speech of angels.
                                                                 Thomas Carlyle

A Splash of Color

"A Splash of Color"  copyright 2011, C. Schroeder, All rights reserved.

The day brings us such interesting things.  Sometimes we go along in our lives, almost bored with things, and then a splash of color catches our eye, and there is magic again.  Yesterday was full of such color for me, and I felt alive all morning, tingling with the excitement of the magic.  To begin with, we had quite a lovely dusting of snow, and my early morning drive over to a nearby village, was absolutely breathtaking.  The sun was breaking through a heavy fog, and the result was exquisite.  (What a day to have forgotten my camera!)  Then on the way, on the side of the road in a field, about 7 or 8 feet from the car, was a huge bird.  As I got closer I saw it was a bald eagle which had caught something.

Later that morning as I was driving to the grocery store, there was a gull in the middle of the road, just sitting there.  I'd seen this kind of thing before.  After I had parked the car, I took a blanket and walked back to where the gull was sitting in the middle of all that traffic.  The poor thing was terrified and scooted away from me, revealing an ugly mess of intestines on the cement.  (sorry for the graphic description, but it's important you are aware of it for the story.)  She was so beautiful, white with brown speckles.  I spoke gently to her, trying to calm her, and then threw the blanket over her and gathered her up in my arms, trying to be very careful of her injuries and carried her back to my car.

Taking the gull to the vet was a little bit of a drive, and so on the way over, I laid my hand very carefully on the blanket and prayed for her.  She wasn't fighting or moving much.  I asked St. Francis for some help.  He's a particular friend of mine, and doesn't seem to mind that I'm not Catholic.  My cd was playing as I've been trying to bone up on lyrics for a concert coming up, it was on "Good Shepherd of my Soul."    And the car seemed full of a quiet, loving presence

We arrived at the vet and I carefully gathered the gull back up into my arms and took her into the building.  I spoke with a young woman, and soon someone had come to get the bird and take her into the back room.  I waited a few minutes and the young woman came out with my blanket.   She had a puzzled look on her face.

"So, did you see the bird get hit?"

"No.  She was sitting in the middle of the road.  But couldn't fly when I approached her, and there was a mess on the road."

"There was no blood, no broken bones.  There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it at all."

I must have looked a bit skeptical.

"We'll keep her in the icu for a while and see how she does.  Maybe it's just the cold and she was tired.   If she is injured, which doesn't appear to be the case, we'll find a bird rehabilitator.  Thanks for bringing her in."

And I left.  Puzzled myself.  Until finally, several hours later, telling the story to a friend, another possibility entered into the picture.  Maybe a miracle.

Not very scientific of me.  And there must have been another explanation, right?  There had to be.  And yet...that "buzz" from earlier in the morning hadn't left me.  Magic?  God's intervention for a little bird?  I don't know.  It sounds wildly implausible.  But I'm given to believing in the impossible.  This Jesus I follow has a way of surprising me.

Hmmmm.  What do you think?

The day continued with other minor miracles, and best friend JS arrived for a pillow fight which left me laughing heartily.  And then I collapsed, so tired I could barely move.  What an amazing day.

I wonder what today will hold!!!  Adventures are waiting.

Waking Up

"just waking up"  Copyright 2011, C. Schroeder, all rights reserved

Waking up
to this precious thing
called life.

Opening
to the miracle
of today.

Beginning
in new ways
to find my way home

to myself
to eternity
and to love.

Blinking, adjusting
my eyes to the bright light
struggling to see

The friend
right there in front of me
smiling

The adventure
there before us
in unknown opportunity

Put on your shoes
let's go
it's time.

True Roots

"At Water's Edge"  copyright 2011, C. Schroeder, All Rights Reserved

Many of us feel a deep sense of connection to "place."  Some of us were born in the place, some of us came to it later in life.  The passing seasons, the changes, the losses and the joys, the successes and failures are all tied up in the package of place.  The landscape becomes the literal landscape of our lives. This photo will remind me of the many walks I have taken in this place, the troubles, the joys, the friendships which it has brought to me. 

Place can be a wonderful thing, but our deepest roots should be in God's grace and love.  Then we'll be like the tree planted at the water's edge.  We will have what we need to flourish in our lives, to grow into our full potential.  We can't be uprooted when we immerse ourselves in the landscape of the Spirit.  Even if we are flung to the far reaches of this planet, to places which are strange and unfamiliar to us.  God is immovable.  God's presence permeates everything in this world.  So if we are rooted there, it doesn't matter where we are.  We have what we need.  And we can allow ourselves to go where God leads. 

It took a 40 year walk in the wilderness for the Israelites to begin to understand that fact.  If they had moved right into the promised land, their dependence would be upon something other than God.  But because their roots, their identity, their strength was in the Eternal and Loving God, the material gifts were just that.  Material.  Temporary.  

Beyond the Now

"A Blue Dawn"   Copyright 2011, C. Schroeder, all rights reserved

There is something slightly out of focus here, and the scene feels soft and muted because of the mist.  The effect is lovely.  I especially love the reflection in the water. 

Our life here could be a reflection of something clearer, something beyond now, something that holds a bit of mystery, and yet faith helps us to know that the mystery is part of the story, part of the fun.  When we become too immersed in hard cold facts, we lose something of truth.  We become stuck and unable to open to growth and change.  Of course, if we get too caught up in the mystery and the not yet, we become out of balance.  Walking in the present with opened eyes to the realities of this world, while keeping a part of ourselves connected and rooted in the not yet, the eternal, gives us balance.

Many years ago now I had this beautiful dream one night.  I was walking in a place that looked like Israel.  I had walked up a steep hill, and I stopped to gaze off into the distance, where there was a city.  Perhaps Jerusalem?  The view was a strange one.  It was almost as though I were seeing double.  There were two cities superimposed upon each other.  And from different positions, I could see each of them, and at times they became one.  but one of them was clearer, and it was shining with the gold of the sun.  And I knew it was heaven.   And I knew there was something true and glorious in that dream.  God felt near. 

I am not certain as to why this comes to mind this morning, but I want to see this world from both perspectives, with a willingness to dig in and get my hands dirty and all the while, with a clear connection in that beautiful, mysterious "not yet." 

copyright 2011, C. Schroeder, All rights reserved.

 

 

 

What a sunrise this morning!  What a gorgeous, mysterious, morning of color and mist and cold air!!

May your day be full of the gorgeous, the mysterious, and the many colors of grace!  

Acceptance

Accepting what comes to our lives and accepting what goes from us, enables us to be present and to be at peace.  The rain falls, and though the flowers look droopy when it does, it is wonderful for their growth.  And when the sun shines, it is wonderful for their growth. 

Whatever life may bring us can be wonderful for our growth.  That doesn't mean it is easy.  But if we are willing to open ourselves to it, accept what it is, as it is, the struggle doesn't need to be as intensely overwhelming.  We can find peace. 

The sun is shining through a bit today, and I'm feeling better than I was yesterday.  I accepted the pain of yesterday, accepted my limitations in it, and today I accept that I have more to give to my packing up and moving on.  Or maybe I will take a walk with my camera!  Since these photos are older ones. 

The truth is however, that sometimes we wrestle with reality.  I think it makes it more difficult for those around us as well as ourselves.  As I age, opening my heart to the changes, instead of railing against them, enables me to move through my days with more grace, and a more restful feeling. 

May you find peace in the acceptance today.  May you find grace.  And may there be some laughter in the midst of it all. 

Too Much...

Wall at Ithaca Falls in Ithaca, NY  copyright C. Schroeder, 2011, All rights reserved

There is a verse someplace in Hebrews I believe, that says God never gives us more than we can handle.  Sometimes I wish I could still embrace that with youthful exuberance and enthusiasm, facing the challenges as adventure.  But the truth of the matter is, that sometimes there is far too much pain for a person to handle.  Sometimes people suffer from mental illnesses that can cause immense emotional pain.  Sometimes there is physical pain that is overwhelming and beyond endurance.  Sometimes life piles too much on one person's shoulders, until he or she is bowed down and overwhelmed, unable to continue...up against a wall. 

A dear friend's niece took her own life yesterday.  The young woman had suffered deeply for many years, and she couldn't bear it any longer.  Last spring, another dear friend's partner took her own life as well.  She too had suffered in unimaginable ways.

Many prayers are rising for the families and friends.  May God's grace and mercy carry each one through this painful time, easing the heartache, granting them strength as well as the ability to grieve this terrible loss.  And may their hearts heal.  I just know that young woman is at peace, released from the awful pain she endured.  God's love holds us all. 

Cherishing Now

This morning I realized that I don't have a new photo to post.  Most of them have been posted either here or on my lectionary blog.  And the reality is that I haven't been affording myself the time each day to take the dog for a walk and open my eyes to the moment.  Instead I am buried in "stuff," sorting, packing, being overwhelmed and frustrated, stressed and thinking about a different kind of future that begins in the not too distant future.

Taking a walk would clear that space that is all full of up with the stress of transition. It would help me be more motivated, and it would help clear the physical space as well as the mental and emotional and spiritual.  We get busy and we think that we're too busy to take the time to do the things which nourish us.  Was it Martin Luther who prayed four hours every day, and when he had a busy day he prayed six?  I'm quoting it wrong I'm sure, but you get my meaning.  The busier we are, the more we need the spiritual part of our lives to be healthy and well fed.  Well...maybe tomorrow I'll get out and about with my camera. 

The Times, they are a changin'

I wonder what the world here will look like when the rain stops.  It was windy yesterday, so I imagine that many leaves have blown off the trees, and we're that much closer to winter.  It's odd to think about winter this year.  If all goes according to plan, I will be where it is warmer, mostly mild temperatures.  A green Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It will be my first.  Will I miss the snow?  I know that living in a climate where there isn't a change of seasons would be difficult for me over the long term.  Springtime and it's elegance here is something to be cherished.  The trees dressed up in such lovely, light greens and the wildflowers are supremely beautiful.  The summer I wouldn't miss.  Especially if I lived in a mild climate...not the desert.  But the autumn...it has always been my favorite season.  I love to pile on the blankets and snuggle in at night.  I love the smell of dry, crunchy leaves (though not so much when it's a really damp autumn.  Then it smells a bit like dirty laundry)   Then of course there is the apple cider, and all those apple trees, domestic and wild that are heavily laden with fruit.  When I was younger, I loved the hay rides on cool nights, and the warm bonfire afterwards where hot dogs roasted on long sticks and marshmallows were sweet and sticky and warm after getting toasted in just the right way. 


There is something about the changing seasons that resonates with our lives.  We pass through different seasons in our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual lives.  Would eternal youth really be such a blessing?  I don't think so.  When my time here is up, it will have been enough, and I'll be ready for some new adventure...or maybe a good rest.  My hair is filled with more and more silver and gray these days.  And that is alright. 

Be

Be.

That is all

and enough.

Simply

to be...

present to this now

your breath

this clay that is flesh

present to the bluster

and the wildly dancing wind

blowing across your lethargy

present to the stillness

the smallest whisper

asking to know you

to sit with you

to be

in you.

with you.

beside you

and all the while

the stillness sings

luring you into its warmth

it's welcome.

It is enough.

Be.

Leaving Their Marks

Scars    copyright 2011, C. Schroeder, All Rights Reserved

There is place on my right cheek, fairly close to my nose where a faint scar crosses.  It is not easily seen, but those who know my face well, know it is there.  That little scar was made on my 2nd day of life in this world, with my own fingernail.  They told my mother that it would go away.  But it never did.  It's become part of my story.  

Stuff happens in life.  We have all experienced our share of pain inflicted by other people, situations, life itself and sometimes even we inflict things on ourselves.  And some of that stuff leaves scars.  Sometimes temporary ones.  Sometimes quite permanent.  Each scar is a sort of badge of honor...something one has somehow gotten through and survived, or at the very least, an interesting story.  Those old wounds however, are only scars when they stop hurting, and become a simple reminder of where we have come from.

There are people who walk around with those scars quite visible physically.  And then there are those who walk around and their scars are hidden.  We don't know what life has dealt many people, because they remain silent about it, believing that is the best way to get through.

I don't know about you, but I love to hear peoples' stories, full of all the pain and joy of life, full of complexity and confusion and hope.  Ask someone about one of their scars...ask them to tell you the story.  And maybe they'll ask you about one of yours.

Labels

Autumn at Hunt's Pond     copyright 2011, C. Schroeder, All rights reserved

Categorizing, labeling, setting things in boxes is often the way we human beings control things.  It's easier to buy into the idea of someone being narcissistic or having a personality disorder, or just generally being mentally ill, than to engage with the human being, to see them as a person

Mucking about...

Transformation  --  Copyright 2011, Caris Cerdwyn, All Rights Reserved

Last night I listened to Oprah's life class, and this morning went to see my therapist.  Talk about an AHA moment!  Let me tell you all about it.

So the conversation last night was about ego.  And I'm struggling about whether or not to keep a motor scooter that I got, so I'd have some transportation that isn't so hard on gas and the environment.  So it's brand new and I had been out on it a few times, but then one afternoon I went to start it and it wouldn't start.  The engine made noise, but it wouldn't start.  I read the book about the scooter, and tried the things it suggested, but nothing happened.  So that was it.  I decided I didn't want one more hard thing in my life, this wasn't supposed to be hard.  And I decided that perhaps the motor scooter was somehow connected with my ego. 

In talking with my therapist this morning, something connected.  I realized that NOT keeping the motor scooter was connected with my ego.  I've got this self sacrifice thing down pat.  But beyond that, someone came very close to drowning me when I was 4 or 5.  And I struggled.  But he was stronger than I was.  And so I just "surrendered."  Oprah had talked about "surrendering" before, but I have always had trouble with that word.  That near drowning incident is the reason why.  After fighting and fighting to get away and get back to air, I finally gave in, knew I would die, and I let go.  I think I may have even died at that point for a moment or two, before he brought me back.  And then it felt as though he had the power of life and death over me.  And it was useless to fight. 

So as I'm talking about my motor scooter I remembered that as a youngster I had this dream of riding a motor cycle across the country, but of course now I'm 51 with several health issues and so it wouldn't be wise.  But this little 50cc motor scooter doesn't go over 30 miles an hour and it really would be helpful to have something to go to the grocery store on and such when I go south in my RV.  But maybe I'm just "supposed" to have a bike or walk.  But neither decision seems to give me any peace.  And then I'm crying, thinking about that old dream of mine, and that this little scooter is a piece of that old dream.  It makes me happy.  And it's not my ego at all that wants to keep it.  It's my ego that tells me that nothing ever works out for me.  That I'm not allowed any happiness.  And that is the lie.  The great deception that my ego has got my brain running on.  Owning the scooter isn't the issue.  I always hold lightly to things.  But the issue is the much deeper issue of allowing myself to be happy.

And then LC, my therapist says that he's thinking a rather "head shrinkerish" thing.  And I tell him to go ahead and tell me what he's thinking.  And he says he wonders if perhaps I can't allow myself happiness because that would somehow say that the abuse wasn't as terrible as it was.  That it would be dismissive, and that I was saying to the abusers it was ok that they abused me.  The damn sort of burst then.  It seems so obvious now as I look at it...all my dreams that have "almost" come true, but I wouldn't allow myself to experience what it would feel like to allow them fully into my life. 

It's okay to be happy.  It's ok.  And it doesn't devalue the suffering.  I'm not betraying the younger me.  In fact, allowing that happiness in is honoring her in a big way. 

Thank you God.  Thank you LC.  Thank you Oprah.  And thank you Caris...this is a new place to put up my tent and rest a while.  Or my RV in this case!

Blessings to you, and many AHAs!!!! 

Saying Goodbye

Upstate New York is quite beautiful this time of year.  The Catskills are bursting with color, and the recent days of sunshine and blue sky give an even greater intensity to the colors.  It is a hard season to be saying goodbye...though not officially yet.  My address will remain here for the next several months, until I figure out where my new home will be.  Saying goodbye to good friends.  Letting go of an accumulation of "stuff" from the past 13 years.  Revisiting the places I have loved to walk and explore over the past many years.  And in the midst of all that, packing my things and getting ready to go.  My heart aches.  And someplace in there, I am feeling just slightly hopeful about a new future.

A Grain of Wheat

This looks like a photo from the prairies!  It's actually from right here in town, in a church courtyard.

We take our food for granted you know.  Every once in a while when I'm saying grace, I like to think about the whole process that happens in getting it to the table.  Bread begins (if you're able to eat wheat of course) with wheat.  I think of the wheatfields in Kansas.  Golden.  Acre upon acre, sometimes as far as the eye can see, the wheat waves in the wind which never stops blowing on the prairie.  Farmers plant it all.  Farmers with families of every sort.  Families that gather at meal times, that have endless chores to do and that work long days during good weather.  They pray for rain, or for sunshine, depending on what the crops need.  Those farmers watch that wheat because it is their livelihood.  It is important.  And so much is invested in those crops.  It can mean the difference between keeping and losing the farm, if it's still a family farm.  If all goes well, there will be new clothes in the fall for school.  Perhaps a new tractor or some other expensive piece of equipment that will help to keep the farm running.

And the wheat makes its way to the mill, where it is ground into flour.  And then the flour makes its way to the bakeries, where loaves of bread are baked.  Or sometimes it makes its way to my kitchen, where I knead the dough into wonderful, fresh baked bread that tastes like nothing else does, right from the oven.  And the wheat is only one ingredient of good bread.  There is also salt and oil and yeast and milk...well, you get the picture.

So much goes into making a loaf of bread.  And so much goes into the different parts of our lives.  It is good to stop and remember all the connections from time to time, and to be grateful for the gifts which come to us with great effort by others.

St. Francis

Prayers

"Stations of the Cross"  copyright 2011, by C. Schroeder, All rights reserved

There are times in our lives when answers are not forthcoming, when fear is a strong force we struggle against, times when we feel alone and changes overwhelm us.  It is my experience that when we meet those times, when practical advice doesn't work so well, that prayer does.  Prayer lifts up a heart that is discouraged, it gives support to those caught in the tendrils of fear, it comforts those who are in the midst of grief, it holds the one for whom we pray in gentle hands.  Scientific studies tell us it works.  No one can explain exactly why it works, of course, that part is mystery.  Thank goodness something remains as such.  Prayer doesn't give us THE answers, but it does help us to quiet our hearts enough to find the answers within. 

Think on these things...

"A Meditative Moment"  copyright Caris Cerdwyn, All Rights Reserved

Think on the good things.  There are so many of them.  And when the negative stuff starts to pile up, pull back and find a way to get things back into perspective.  Sometimes I take time, like this seagull, to simply sit and "be" for a while.  The negative is there, but there are always ways for it to be transformed.  There are always ways for the grief and the sadness, to find its way eventually to gratitude and joy.  There are ways for hard situations to become a gift over the long haul.  There are gifts and blessings in the middle of every difficulty. 

There is some sunshine outside my window today, and I daresay, outside many of yours as well.  That in and of itself is a great cause for a smile and a "thank you." 

Wishing you plenty of sunshine today, many smiles, laughter, joyful surprises and sweet dreams.

The Golden...

The Golden Goose    copyright 2011, Caris Cerdwyn, All rights reserved

Yesterday I was scanning through a book about weight loss and spirituality that someone had told me about.    I have to confess that I don't read much "new age" philosophy.  It seems they have everything so neatly tied up in a bow...but mostly because it tends to be judgmental of peoples' suffering.  I haven't the patience. 

The author of this particular book begins the first chapter outlining the many reasons people overeat, including backgrounds of physical or sexual abuse, etc.  And then she closes the chapter by saying that if you have a problem with food, its idolatry.  Wow...that's sure to draw people in!  Encouraging.  Hopeful.  (Do you hear the sarcasm here?)   No doubt it's true that food is golden to some, used to do numb the pain of the past.  But wouldn't it be wonderful to meet a human being who doesn't engage in idolatry of some sort?  I suppose Jesus fit the bill.  But for the rest of us, there is a day to day reality that draws us back to that golden calf.  It is hard to trust God when you're wandering in the wilderness.  Life is difficult.  And that's the reality.  People do all sorts of self destructive things to deal with their pain.  You are fortunate if you're not daily struggling to keep your life in some sort of balance.   Food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex...those are the kinds of addictions that push people out of social circles.  Those kinds of problems aren't socially acceptable.  Of course if you're wealthy, enjoy having power, have a need to be center stage all the time, work too much, or even worship your family...well those things are ok.  In fact, people often go to great lengths to spend time with some of those people.

I may end up reading the book and trying to do the work that she suggests.  But I will probably have to do some work releasing my resentments at yet another denigration of people who are overweight.  It's a good market...books about weight loss certainly feed into this culture's addiction to beauty and youth.  Diet books A real golden goose.

Oh well.  I have to deal with my own golden calf, not point fingers at someone else.  I'm always hopeful that someone, someday may have some wisdom to bring to the table...as it were. 

Show Off

"Showing Off"  Copyright 2011, Caris Cerdwyn, All Rights Reserved

These trees or plants always blaze bright red in the autumn.  Most of the trees are struggling this year, colors muted because of all the rain we've had.  But not this one!  I'm not sure what they're called.  They're interesting however, and I've never seen them in the midwest or on or near the west coast either.  I don't notice them much at any other time of the year, but autumn...well you just can't help but notice them!  I love that shade of red.  During an autumn like this one, well, they just look like they're showing off, when all the other trees look a bit depressed.

Each one of us has at least one thing we do well.  We may not show up most of the time...compared to others we may even feel a bit dull.  But when we share our gift, well we shine.  We definitely show up!  We are bright and amazing, even dazzling.

Now some folks seem to have an endless supply of those kinds of gifts and abilities.  They are always out in front, dancing the best dance, singing the best song, painting the best picture, taking the best photo, dreaming the biggest dream, raising the most money.  Well, you know the type.  And there is something natural in feeling some envy or jealousy around that.  In and of itself, a feeling is just a feeling.  And sometimes jealousy is just a "tough love friend"  as Julia Cameron says in The Artist's Way.  We all know the feeling.  And often times it gets the better of us.  When I feel jealous of someone, I feel as though someone is squeezing my esophagus closed, my stomach turns and oh how I would like to take out my claws and do some damage.  It used to be such an awful thing and I hadn't a clue what to do with it.  Sometimes it ended up hurting the people around me.  On more than one occasion, it destroyed a friendship.  Augh!  What to do with it?  What to do when our competitive nature kicks in?

For me, I have learned to listen to those awful feelings.  They mean something.  They have a message.  Just like pain in the body means something is wrong or off, jealousy is an alarm system of sorts in our emotional package.  Pay attention...not to the person toward whom you feel jealous, envy or a sense of competition.  Pay attention to your own self.  Your own gifts!  It is likely that you should be using some gift which is dormant at present, and needs to be brought out into the light.  Go for it!  Not as some competitive act.  But rather seeking an outlet for something that is possibly stifled.  And if you are spending too much time in the company of people who overshadow you and the gifts you bring, then pull back a bit, make your own stage, create your own opportunities, and use the good gifts and the good sense that God has given you.

It is never easy to be the one of whom others are jealous.  I've been there and done that too, have a t-shirt, a coffee mug and a consulting business!!!  I am not interested in always being center stage.  I enjoy it as much as the next person.  But the thing I most enjoy and most love, is helping others to find their own abilities, their own gifts and creativity, their own avenues for expression.  It is an absolute delight when someone steps into their element, and that special gifts emerges and helps to warm the people in its glow, inspiring and encouraging them.

So, let's give up the fierce competition.  Let's put aside the catty comments that tear people down.  Let's stop trying to outdo someone else, (unless you're trying to outdo each other in love!)  And let's just tend to our own gifts, keep them burning, share them when possible, and learn to be happy for others who succeed.

Go to it!  And if you need a consultation, do give a call!!!