What the Morning Brings...

A downy woodpecker is at the feeder this morning, along with a cardinal and house finches.  I only get a glimpse of their color from this vantage point.  They seem quite unperturbed by the rain which is falling copiously. The  pond is melting rather quickly.  T. the woman who owns the cabin where I come and stay, made a caustic remark about breaking out her bathing suit today, as the temperature is supposed to get up to 50 degrees!  So, as the way my mind often works, I had a funny dream about coming over a rise to a pond, where the ice was melting and people were in their bathing suits and flip flops.  Let's not forget the flip flops! 

This past weekend we did some brainstorming about the definition of science.  We came up with any number of ideas...including things we disagreed with.  Someone put up on the board "the opposite of religion."  THAT made me bristle.  I tried to get a word in edgewise, but everyone was talking, and my voice was one among many.  That's the thing isn't it.  Often we religilous liberals are one voice among many, and it is difficult to be heard.   I wanted to cry out..."NO!  It is not opposite at all."  Whether I am a follower of Christ, or a semi Buddhist, or one who listens for Goddess around and within, I do not check my mind at the door when I enter the place of worship.  I am a student of this life and this world, and science gives me amazing perspectives which only deepen my awe for mystery.  Perhaps science is not overly fond of mystery, and that is a piece of things which I warmly embrace, but science is not the enemy of religion, and religion does not have to be the enemy of science.  A respectful dialogue is possible. 

However, I will say that religion gets to me sometimes.  People come along and are completely accepted or believed because of their charisma, rather than looking at the facts.  And then of course, if someone lives in a way that is different or actually disagrees with some of the teachings of a particular religion, that someone is shunned.  Oh yes, shunning is alive and well in this new millenium.  There is no doubt about it!  Example being...say someone is promiscuous.  Or gay and attending a church where that is considered "sinful."  Well, that person might as well get out of Dodge.  All the "science" which tells us such things have a basis in reason, have no voice amongst the zealous.

But then people who espouse science, often treat life as a survival of the fittest.  And that is where science can make me bristle, and where the teachings of Jesus take even deeper root in me.  Justice is central to my way of being.  And the sermon on the Mount will always be one of the most inspiring pieces of religious literature to me.  Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.  Science doesn't give us much hope of that.  But this mysterious thing called "faith" turns the facts upside down and inside out. 

Well, the birds seem to have had their fill of breakfast.  I should get to mine.  I feel better after having blogged and gotten some of my frustration out of my system! 

The Twenty Seventh of February

Faces...

Lately I've been trying to pay attention to my face...intentionally trying to smile more. I keep seeing a friend of mine who is a great deal of pain with his back. He smiles and tries to be his usual self, but when he goes back inside himself, when he thinks no one is looking, there is this look that says so much about the pain. His face goes slack, and he breathes through his mouth. And his eyes tell his story. Healthy all of his life, this is his first serious experience with chronic pain/illness. His suffering is silent and stoic.

Our facial expressions say much about our lives. The frown lines between my eyebrows make me look angry...even when I am far from angry. So I try to raise my eyebrows to smooth out the wrinkle. But I think that I only succeed in then looking surprised...rather than happy or pleasant. I know someone whose face shows everything she is thinking! When she is listening to something she disagrees with, her face shouts it! Still another smiles, her goal is happiness. And yet there is something missing in the smile. She tends to deny suffering...especially her own. And her smile, though sweet and lovely, shows there is something incomplete.

I wonder why I am thinking about faces tonight. Probably because we practiced facial massage yesterday at school. The woman who was my client has such smooth skin. No wrinkles. Most of my wrinkles are on my forehead. I wish I had more crow's feet. I do laugh a lot. But I've probably wept more over the years. I love wrinkles and laugh lines. I love to get to know the person behind the face. Is he caring or arrogant? Is she someone who has suffered deeply, or has life been pretty easy thus far? She is young, her skin smooth and beautiful. But her eyes hold something deeper than when I first glanced at her.

Deeper stories are emerging at school. This one had surgery. That one has a father who is ill. Another lost a loved one recently.

Today we did this strange Swedish stuff that is called vibration, which is supposed to have the deepest effect of any of the strokes. Yet several of us really did not much like giving or receiving it. Interestingly enough. Someone said they felt like their body was blubber, when it was being jostled. So then one of the instructors talked about how she diffuses negative self talk about one's body. And she said "All bodies are beautiful." I teared up. And then the other instructor jumped up and down and called out "WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!" And most of us cheered, and some of us clapped. And my tears flowed a bit more freely. I am certain they know just how deeply women in our society struggle with body image.

It seems that I feel like the special education kid when it comes to my body. The academic part of school feels doable and enjoyable. The physical feels...well, rather like Mt. Everest. Being present in my body has always been challenging. And going to massage therapy school is probably fifty one percent about healing my relationship with my body, and 49 percent about using the gift to help others. By the end, that percentage will shift I am certain. This week I've been having some body memories. The main feeling that accompanies them, is fear. I feel afraid and sad, and a little sick to my stomach. And so I push on to be as present as I can be to the learning, the work, the people, this life. But I am the kid who is always hurrying at the end of the day to get her stuff together and get out the door. You remember that kid in the second grade, struggling with his lunchbox and his rubber boots when everyone else is already halfway home? That is me these days. And some days I want to call out..."Wait, wait for me!" And I wonder if I will catch up. No doubt when I get into my element...you know like the sea turtle, I take off, and then everyone else is calling for me to slow down. It is an uncomfortable thing to always be out of sync. Too slow...too fast...too deep...too high...too wide...though rarely too narrow :-)

Well, if you didn't know, the photo at the beginning of this post is from beloved Oregon. Bandon, Oregon and it is called "Face Rock." When I get my other posts up from the past month, you can read more about it.

At this moment I am imagining the faces of you who might be reading my blog. Young, old, in between? Amused? Bored? Tired? Peaceful? If you feel like it, take a few moments and give your face a massage. It feels great, and that beautiful face of yours deserves it.

A Semi Mindful day

Wow, what a day this has been. I'm exhausted and a little bit out of whack, but there have been some wonderful parts to the day. My intention for today was to fulfill my responsibilities with an attitude of joy and cheerfulness

The Blessings of Technology...

Well, I just lost a month of blogs! Argh!!!!! I downsized my website, and unbeknownst to me...though of course it would not have been unbeknownst if I had read the fine print...the blog on my website was dependent on the higher price. So it is gone. Not into thin air of course, because everything ever written on the internet is there someplace in cyberspace. However, the good news is that this is the perfect opportunity for me to practice this detachment thing. Everything is temporary. What am I? What am I besides mind and form? What is my blog? What is my blog besides stream of consciousness mixed with my odd sense of humor?

Well, switching faiths here for a moment: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, all manner of thing shall be well!" as my dear old friend Julian of Norwich said so long ago.

Visiting the Unitarians this morning I was happy. It seems just the place for a confused Christian, semi Buddhist, daughter of the Goddess. What a wild ride this life is at times. You think you have it figured out, and then suddenly there is a surprising twist of fate, and you find yourself lying on the floor looking up at a midnight sky full of stars and a round full moon that seems to be laughing at you. Roop Verma spoke with us about the vast universe, most especially that of electricity. Objective movement, subjective movement and there was a third which essentially is the mystical movement! He managed to take a cup of that ocean and toss it out on us, giving us just a drop of that eternity this morning.

After the service I hoofed it down the stairs to sing with a group of women preparing for a service on March the 6th. I can't be there on the 6th...because I will be in Massage school. Poor me. But the group may continue meeting and singing. I am hoping that it will be at a time I can join in. Because I was all smiles after that wonderful time this morning. Joy, joy, joy!

I am hoping to start Yoga this week. I have mixed feelings about it, but I hope to do it none the less. No worries. No stress. Just embrace the possible and look for the joy.

J.S. is back at home. Still many hours away from me. But she seems closer. We laughed a bunch yesterday. I think I was teasing her rather mercilessly.