Loving...

Loving people is not an easy task.  We do all kinds of transference stuff...someone reminds us of someone who humiliated us, took something from us, hurt us, and the relationship never even gets started.  Or perhaps someone says something that triggers something in me.  Well, I'm no longer interested in trying to get past all the defenses that are up and I walk away.  Truth be told, we just aren't going to like everyone who crosses our paths.  And not everyone is going to like you or me.  It is simple fact.  So what makes it so difficult to accept?  Sometimes I'm so busy looking for approval from someone who really isn't very nice, that I miss the quiet one who could be a real friend.

And then say, you do get past the defenses.  Like there has been someone I met a couple of months ago with whom there is a very strong bond.  In chemistry terms...I hope it's a covalent bond.   There are three kinds of bonds between molecules:  hydrogen bonds (the weakest!), ionic bonds (which dissolve in water), and covalent bonds.  Those are the kinds of bonds where if they get broken, the chemistry lab explodes.  All kinds of interesting connections.  We need all kinds of connections however.  Including the weak ones.  Somehow each relationship teaches me more about myself. 

There are friends with whom those kinds of bonds exist.  And if something threatens to break it, well, there is a pretty powerful explosion.  I don't feel the need to have hundreds of relationships with that kind of intensity.  I just want a good solid circle of  folks around that I trust, and who know they can trust me...with their secrets, their dreams and their broken hearts.  To me that is sacred ground...free from gossip, from backstabbing, from harsh criticism, from betrayals.   I've been lucky to have folks around who understand about loving, who are careful with my life as I am with theirs.  There's always JS and Greene, MP, DRM, and CD.  People I've known for many years and who know me well.  There is such safety in that kind of loving.  There are never guarantees of course.  Loving always involves risk.  And we hurt the people we love.  It is part of the deal.  When that happens, forgiveness is such an amazing thing.  It changes us, and the bond only strengthens.