Conflict Management

Conflict is something I fear.  And where there is fear, there is the potential for serious problems. Most of us dislike it.  My mind goes blank, my heart starts to race, and suddenly reason leaves me.  I will do almost anything to get away from the situation...but if backed into a corner, I will fight.  Fight or flight.  It's as old as life itself.  We are programmed with survival instincts.  

Last night I attended a meeting and all hell broke loose, as it were.  I wasn't really part of the conflict, but got caught in the crossfire and it hurt.  I felt protective toward everyone...and it was really painful.  My heart was heavy and sad on the 2 hour drive home.  When I got out of the car, heavy winds pushed the car door open wide, and blew my things around for the fun of watching me chase them.   What a relief to come into the familiar little warm house, to a dear little dog, wagging her tail and smiling at me.  And a cat who purred in ecstasy from the moment I picked her up.  And a peacefully sleeping housemate.  Tears fell as I crawled beneath the soft blankets and turned out the lights.

It is hard to be fully present to a moment in which there is confrontation and anger.  And somehow we do not arrive here in our lives with communication manuals which tell us how to manage conflict.  We are simply thrown into the fire.  Some of us had parents who were great at modeling peace.  Others of us lived in homes which were war zones in and of themselves.  Most lived in families that were somewhere in the middle. 

In school we have been learning about giving and receiving feedback for our massage class.  We have learned about using statements like "I felt...when such and such happened."  It is interesting how much sting is taken out of a criticism when someone says something like "I feel some pain in that muscle...I could use a bit less pressure." versus "You hurt me.  Why are you using so much pressure?" 

One of my oldest friends and I haven't spoken on the phone now in several years.  We exchange cards and emails now and then.  But both of us are reluctant to have a conversation.  Our last one ended badly, and our friendship nearly ended altogether.  Relationships, friendships, family relationships are tricky to say the least. 

Well, I really need to get to my Kinesiology, but Yoga left me so tuckered out, I think I'm going straight to sleep. 

Let's try to be gentle with each other and with ourselves.