Woke up not wanting to move. Of course the kinesiologist would say that the very thing I need to do is to move. I suppose not moving is the reason why all this negative emotion is sitting here, unwilling to move. Last night J.S. and I had a battle. No one ever wins when we have battles. We always wind up bruised and unhappy, and not as excited to talk as we normally are. It is really true of nations as well. No one ever wins when there are battles and wars. We might think one side comes out ahead, but the truth of the matter, even in situations where there is every indication that violence is warranted, both sides lose.
What is to be done. Take care of the anger. The thing is Mr. Thich Naht Hahn, I just haven't figured out exactly how to do that. Maybe the thing is simply NOT to do. Just sit with it. Breath. Be present to it until it calms down. Perhaps that is really what needs to happen in the messes of this world...where people with anger issues, are so often the people in power. I wonder what the world might have been like if someone had sat with Hitler and really listened to his pain, been present to his anger, before it came out sideways as the raging force which killed some 12 million people. I have been writing a lot about anger of late. It goes to figure that if one is dealing with painful issues from the past, there is anger which sits there as well. So much of that anger boils beneath the surface, volcanic activity, which builds and feeds on itself. Of course it isn't like a volcano exactly. We can stop ourselves from causing harm if we pay attention. Volcanoes erupt eventually.
Yesterday I drove past one of the huge waterfalls in the city where I attend school. It was a torrent! I could feel the spray quite a distance from the falls themselves. It was an awesome sight. I should have parked and gone to watch them in the first place, but instead I drove by, and of course got caught in the sight and slowed way down. Someone behind me who wasn't in the same space of awe beeped at me. My anger came boiling to the surface...moving me from wonder to fury, just like that. I cursed at him in the privacy of my car, but I sped up and got out of his way of course. And I turned the car around and parked where I could just stop and watch for a while. He was in a hurry. Life is like that. I was in the midst of utter joy in the seconds before that beep. What a shift. It took the experience away from me. I came away bruised. But the bruises were more about my own stuff than the impatience of the person behind me. I certainly wasn't detached...as the Buddhists say.
Well...off to my day. I will try to deal with all this emotion in healthy ways. It makes for rough going.
Peace to us all.
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