Easy Does It

There is a line of thought which says that people do not change.  That may be true in some instances.  Sociopaths or Psychopaths for instance...perhaps child molesters do not change.  Someone read an article to me recently about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder being intractable.  Interesting word.  A wide sweeping statement that would encompass everyone in its path.  Is it true?  What do you think?







Photo I took in Yellowstone last summer of a
geyser at the paintpots. 
copyright 2010, Caris Cerdwyn. 

In my opinion, many people change.  We age.  We grow some wisdom.  Some of us work hard to understand our behaviors...all the whys and wherefores.  Knowledge is power. Which is what psychotherapy is all about.  If we understand ourselves deeply, then we can choose how we respond to certain stimuli.

All of this philosophizing has to do with the other night's conflict.  Human behavior is fairly predictable.  Oh that it weren't the case.  I like to think of myself as unique.  But the truth of the matter is that there are commonalities among us.  My conflict management skills used to be useless.  I just didn't know how to have conflict and still be able to be in conversation with someone.  My anger would get the best of me.  Nowadays, I sit with my anger.  I take care of it.  Thicht Nhat Hahn talks about taking care of anger the way we would take care of a stomach ache or a crying baby.  It needs our attention.  It is good to understand the reasons we react the way we react.  Then when I am in conversation with someone I disagree with, I can be present to their feelings and perspective on things.  It has been powerful for me to learn to do this.  Each of us is precious and each of us brings gifts to this world.  If we can see that divine spark in each person and approach each person and situation with respect and gentleness...the world will transform.  Certainly our understandings of it will transform.

I think back when my anger would get the best of me, I just couldn't see how destructive it was.  A friend of mine used to tell me to hold onto my anger, let it work for me.  To be honest, that was not the best advice.  Taking out my aggravation on some yard work is healthy enough.  But holding onto my anger has only given me wrinkles that make me look angry all the time.  It has caused broken relationships time and again.  It has been the source of much heartache.  I have deeply regretted the manifestations my anger has taken, when I was looking for someone else to take care of it.  I think some people think that anger is equal to strength.  It is not.  The real strength in my life has been learning to be gentle with others.  I have never regretted gentle words in response to someone elses' anger.

Go gently.  People are fragile.  I am fragile.  and so are you.  If we learn to be gentle with ourselves, it will translate to others as well.  Go easy.  Live in Peace. Let's each take good care of the anger which is ours.  Leave the eruptions to Old Faithful.