Failures, Successes and Spiritual Guides

"Winter is Near At Hand"  copyright 2011, Caris Cerdwyn All rights reserved

Interesting thoughts about Henri Nouwen from Diane Walker this morning at her Contemplative Photography blog.  She talks about Henri's need for approval when he was alive, and how some people thought his inability to live out some of his writing meant he wasn't fit to be a spiritual guide to others.  Ms. Walker goes on the say that it is often our failures that give us the ability to write about the struggle. 

Well, I can see both points of view.  I sat and watched Oprah's master class a couple of Sundays ago, and loved it.  I didn't agree with absolutely everything she said, but much of it, born out of her own successes was good advice.  Especially profound for me was an incident in which she surrendered her need to succeed...even picturing someone else in the position of success.  To me, that is success.  To surrender our own intense needs for acceptance and approval and to trust in the process.  Obviously Oprah has succeeded! 

This is something I am beginning to try out.  I have my own intense needs for approval.  And when that is threatened I really pull into myself.  It's not an easy thing to release this stuff.  I feel a deep fear when someone else in the writing group that I started, steps into a leadership role, and I feel as though I get overshadowed.  I want to push her aside, think of mean things to say or stamp my foot.  The ridiculous part of all that, is that I will be leaving soon, and someone needs to lead it!  And so I am practicing what it means to surrender...to surrender my group to God, to surrender my need to be in the lime light, to surrender my need to control, to surrender my vision.  But, but, but...I want to cry out, I started the group.  I worked hard to get people there.  I have loved it and nurtured it. 

And it was never MINE to begin with.  It belongs to all of us.  And that is what I love about it.  And I hope that if it continues it will hold that at center.  It belongs to us all.  That's my leadership style, to create space for everyone to shine and to share in the leading.  But of course if someone else has a different style, it can't be right!!!!

And so I share with you my weakness.  Putting it out there.  And I am practicing surrender, which I am hoping will lead to some new breakthroughs and possibilities.

You know the picture of the leaf and grass, is a reminder that in nature there is food for life in that which is lost.  There is no such thing as failure.  It is simply how we learn on our way.  

I'm picking up my new to me RV today.  Adventures are waiting.  Deep, deep breath.  I have much to learn.  And I am capable of learning it.