"Joy" my dog...taken in February, 2013.  Yes, that is my shoe at the bottom of the photo :-)

“If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes, that is to say like artists, we must see not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces. Here it is love that is the frame we see them in.”
― Frederick Buechner, Whistling in the Dark: A Doubter's Dictionary

 

\A lifetime of knowing one's neighbor sometimes is not enough to honestly be able to love them fully, as they deserve to be loved.  After a year and half of life with "Joy" who offers ever new perspectives on life, and who often loves me so well,  I am still learning how I can best love her.  Trying to use my imagination; trying to understand how I can best help her; trying to figure out what makes her react so dramatically at times, we live together in an easy peace, most of the time.  It's the times when I come home to a chewed up jacket that leave me puzzling over her behavior. 

 

Sometimes it is easier to be compassionate toward a canine friend who is frightened and panicky than it is to be compassionate toward the person next door who refuses to smile or engage in conversation.  It's easier to judge...to be angry...to put them in their place, or simply avoid them all together.  Some neighbors don't seem to want our love in any way shape or form.  Maybe the best way to love them, is simply to give them their space. 

 

You know what I've found in loved ones of the human variety, is that asking them how I can best love them is a most welcome question.  It often brings tears.  It often melts away defenses and offers a way through the misunderstandings and the anger.

 

The other day, after being out and about, I came in the house and started to cry.  I didn't know why for a few minutes.  But after a while I figured it out.  My feelings had been hurt, and I felt as though the person I had been with hadn't really seen me or my situation.  We all want to be understood.  My feelings have gotten hurt a couple of times lately, and part of me wants to rush in and confront the person who did the deed.  But then that wouldn't be trying to understand them, to accept them.  If the offense was a larger issue about justice, I would probably speak up.  But since it's my feelings and my struggle, I will try to find a way around it, releasing the resentment and opening to compassion.  And that compassion is both for myself as well as the other.

 

Seeing our neighbors means also seeing ourselves.  We must understand our motivations, the trauma and the old "stuff" that often cause us to react rather than respond.  When we can have compassion toward ourselves and understand ourselves clearly, it is much easier to make the choice to open our hearts to our neighbor, or spouse, or children, or friends.