Do Overs?

 

Last week's theater, Tennessee William's A Streetcar Named Desire is still in my head today.  I was thinking back of a time when I lived in a small town in upstate New York, where anyone who wasn't born there, was considered an outsider.

While living in that town I met a woman in her 40s who had been a teacher.  We got together once in a while for a meal or to watch a movie.  I remember one day as we sat munching popcorn in my living room, she told me that she had been sent to prison for a while, and it was hard being back.  Every time she left the house, she heard people whispering about her.  I thought at the time, it sounded a bit paranoid.  But then I learned that she had been with an underage young man.  He had been 17 at the time.  When they were caught by his mother, he was just a few days from his birthday.  She was very angry about getting caught.

I was horrified.  I was quite judgmental.  And when my judgment came out of my mouth, she left, and I never saw her again.  At the time, I was glad.  And I felt quite justified in my attitudes.

Even now, it makes my skin crawl.  Abusing one's power is a creepy thing.  And the woman in A Streetcar Named Desire, Blanche Dubois, is both a pitiable character and in some ways makes one's skin crawl.  We tend to want to make people like Blanche into monsters who are more than human.  But she is just a human being, who went beyond a couple of bad choices.  But her choices created a deep wedge between herself and what was acceptable. 

How long should someone pay for those choices?  And do those kinds of choices, give others the right to abuse? 

Another time, when I was looking at joining a church in a large city, the pastor talked about a man who attended, who was a pedophile.  He asked me how I thought the church could make room for such a one?  I didn't know.  I still don't know. 

This particular issue tends to make me more judgmental than any other.  I made a promise when I became a young adult that I would never abuse someone young and innocent.  I've kept that promise.    When someone else steps over a boundary...even by a few days, I don't have any tolerance in me.

God can forgive anything at all!  I believe that.  And I have forgiven those who have abused their power over me when I was younger.  But I won't invite them back into my life. 

And maybe that is a question which is not even fair to pose to myself.

We are all human, and we have all made poor choices in our lives...sometimes really stupid ones...sometimes even evil ones, which leave a stain that doesn't wash away very easily.  Sometimes it is difficult to find the answers, or the ability to forgive...others, or ourselves.  And yet it is all part of the work we are called to do as human beings.  If we refuse, our lives get really messed up. 

Maybe the key, and I think Spirit has been challenging me on this one this past week...has to do with repentance.  Blanche wanted to start over.  Did she deserve a second chance?  We all want a second chance...but that is absolutely impossible, unless we turn away from the mistake, sin, or evil that has been done.  And those of us who have been wronged, must hold the wrongdoer accountable.  Forgiveness without the work of repentance is cheap and meaningless...and can actually do more damage to both the wrongdoer and the wronged, if the hard work is not addressed.

Do overs?  Yes.  I believe in them.  When there is a willingness to do the work of repentance and forgiveness; when we are willing to open our lives to the work of God's Love.